Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Stunned...in Technicolour

Of late I've been feeling like I am on a permanent..well trip..but not a good one...everything is too loud, too much too fast..and I am just perpetually reminded of the lines in some random poem that I learnt while I was in a convent ( for a short time, but that's a whole other story); 'No time to stand and stare'.

I know my twenties are meant to be lived at full throttle, burning the candle at both ends so as to say, but I perhaps maybe have been born already 10, so that makes me 30 now...I wish that I could actually 'see' the life around me instead of just 'looking' at it. Of late, I always seem to be on the run, making lists of things to do, that makes me feel like the manager of my own life rather than its main protagonist. Pay bills, check, buy vegetables, check.

I wish for a day where I could wake up and have nothing 'urgent' or 'necessary' to do. I want to wander aimlessly, untouched by time and its passing. I want to compose my life, remove elements unnecessary from it, like essential phonecalls at inconvenient times that prevent a beautiful moment from flowering into what it could have been. I want conversations to rise into the air, words float around above my head, rise into the sky, and come back down when the time is right. I want to exhale as I feel the silence around me, I want to find a moment to finally open my journal and write write not what I know but what I feel. I want to skip through it's pages at whim, and colour in here and there...

But maybe it's because I want so much, that I never really do, because I spend too much time thinking about it. But really how can you think on your life, when you are smack dab in the middle of it? But if you aren't there, what do you really have to think about?

4 comments:

Bondhu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bondhu said...

u finally penned down...your desires....great quite a nice piece!!!

sayerhs said...

so true... Its been a while since I saw you doing anything with your journal. I miss the days last semester when you'd wander into our side of the graphics studio(dammit i miss that side too), pull out your journal, printasticks, and acrylic colours, fevicol et all and well..just trip. Hmm, thinking back, last sem had a VERY strong influence on me...shaped me, i could say. sigh, i wish i could rewind time. you know what this means?

LALALA YOU NEED A BREAK!
(maybe i need one too!)

lets run away together :D


*wet sloppy kiss*

denny lawrence laloo said...

Akhila, what you wrote - its true - but then what is life without a day to day routine, things to do and things to look forward too.

we all want to wonder off and do nothing but just what we feel. thats being human. but is it what it is for?

you know i too sometimes wonder what, why do people have to be bounded by these decisions they have to make, when they have to do them etc. but life is such.

things on our heads like responsibilities which have been entrusted upon us, for example - why have we been good education? when our parents talk about us to their friends and say that he/she is doing this and that, the feeling they have when they say those words is with pride. that makes it pressurizing for us. we have to deliver. though at the end of the day they too miss us and want us next to them. but society is such.

i am not saying that we should not dream and think and wonder. but times are there for everything. to live, learn, love, share, wonder, dream, isolate. etc.


don't know if you agree with me or not.

but i am here always, where ever you may be.